Thought I’d post here since I don’t really know where it belongs. I’m on ‘basic algorithm scripting, JS’ on FCC atm and its so difficult…Almost every challenge leaves me in tears as I spend hours and hours understanding how to solve it.I’m 24, started programming 2 months ago to get a job…Still feels like I should be better at this…I feel so stupid. Sorry!
Learning anything new is hard. Learning web development and programming turned out to be extremely hard. But it shouldn’t be – after all, isn’t Java Script (PHP, Python, what have you) just another language? I’ve always been good with languages. Hey, I’m even writing short stories in English, which is not my native language. I did very well in French and Spanish. I was decent enough in my own native language. So, why is learning programming and web development sounds like a tremendous challenge?
It could be because I’m a girl. No offence, ladies, but I must have been brainwashed in my formative years to believe in male brain’s superiority to ours. “Programming is an excellent job for boys”, - I can almost hear myself saying. Obviously, this is no excuse anymore – it’s 2017 and a woman has almost made it to the White House recently!
It also could be due to lots and lots of maths involved. At school, I wasn’t a huge fan of STEM subjects: I was more of a social studies kinda girl. Since then, I guess I have labelled myself as a ‘humanities person’ dismissing the possibility of ever learning anything technical. Despite the above fact, I managed to get a drivers licence a year ago. I am a competent computer user. I know how to use kitchen appliances. So, excuse #2 doesn’t stand a chance either.
Recently I’m more and more inclined to believe that I’m just not smart enough. My IQ is too low to grasp the programming principles in a few days and then start building amazing apps and earn millions of dollars. On the contrary, creating a simple portfolio page took me a couple of weeks, and some FreeCodeCamp challenges leave me frustrated for days. Without amazing apps and flowing cash, I started questioning the reasons behind this, which understandably point to myself.
“Something must be wrong with me”, - I keep thinking. I promised myself to commit to programming every day until I reach perfection (or, confident knowledge at least). The whole reason why I started on this rough track was to secure myself some employment which is quite difficult to find for an immigrant like me. Surprisingly, I found myself beyond curious of Computer Science subjects and highly motivated to tackle the difficulties, which I haven’t experienced in a long time.
Every day I sit in front of the computer and try to learn something new. I try to solve something, I get stuck, I feel crushed and demotivated. I go to sleep with a sense of failure and determined to do things differently because somehow what I’m doing is not enough: it all seems wrong. I am, to tell the truth, a perfectionist and have somewhat unrealistic expectations of my own imperfect self. To make things worse, the subject that I’m studying is, in fact, hard, especially at the beginning. The goal of becoming a programmer and a web developer will take a lot of time and there are no guarantees in the end. Neither there are any immediate results which I could harvest and enjoy in the meantime.
So, folks, here I am, doing something hard and frustrating. I know that life is hard. No one promised ‘a walk in the park’ kind of life in another country, or anywhere, to that matter. However, I’m overwhelmed with negative emotions trying to learn programming/web development…
Thank you for listening!