It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I’ve done on and off dev work since I got my degree in it. Was seriously I’ll and now I’m having to start again.
I’ve pretty much no motivation or hope at this point, I’m 30, living with my dad, no job aside from gig work stacking boxes, no friends, relationships contacts or money.
2 suicide attempts later and I’m still here but I feel like a burden.
I keep seeing this “anyone can learn to code” and it only seems to be me that’s bashing my head against a wall.
I love the technology, vr is really interesting, I have great ideas with what i would do with it same with web dev,I enjoy making scifi/warhammer 40k shirts and 3d models (part of my degree involved vr tech but from 2009) , I’m supposed to be attending a vr unity 5 day beginner meetup I paid $250 for tickets but now I’m so disheartened I may try to get my money back.
I dont know if it’s the coding or what it is, I know syntax, what oop is I just can never fit the stuff together.
It’s like having the jigsaw pieces and not knowing how to fit them, react360 looks interesting but it’s so beyond me.
I just feel like im wasting my life and I’m unsure how to proceed. Paying for more courses doesn’t seem the way because im stuck in unconscious incompetence with no support.
My other dev friends talk about how they had mentor in their first role and paid training, I never ever had that. I was given complex work, zero training or opportunity to train at all.
Sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult time. I think it’s normal for everyone to struggle with coding when they are starting out (and of course life in general can be a struggle). Coding is a complex skill that no one is born knowing how to do and I think for most people, it can take 1000’s of hours of practice to master. I think going to meet ups and becoming part of some sort of coding community can be a huge source for support, so I would definitely give the unity meetup a try at least. Besides that, I think me and other people on this forum would be happy to mentor you if you are getting stuck on something and we are knowledgeable about it. Feel free to message me whenever.
First off, you are a very worthy human being, and you deserve no less success than anyone else on this planet. It makes me sad to read you haven’t found your path yet, but trust me when I speak from experience… it’s OK. I’m 37 and I only just found my true path.
and it only seems to be me that’s bashing my head against a wall.
It can definitely feel like that, I have the same feelings week in, week out. I’m struggling to piece toegther all the things I know, to make something that actually works.
Some advice that I’ve been given recently and has seemed to help me get on track, is to get a plan and a schedule together. I’ve been listening to the book called Atomic Habits by James Clear, and it’s incredibly useful.
It’s not about making a huge plan that is unacheivable in 2 months, it’s lots of tiny (atomic) successes, put together so that you create one giant ball of whatever it is.
You have no money, then I promise hand on heart that I will buy this book for you. Send me a DM and I will make sure you get it. You can also then join a Slack channel that a colleague of mine has set up, and chat with a few like minded people who may also be struggling on their path.
You have interests, so it’s definietly worth pursuing those, if you can do something you love like that, then it’s hardly work! There’s no overnight solution, but there is light. I was sleeping rough 10 years ago, things do get better… with a plan.
I don’t have any great advice. Tomorrow I’m going to the viewing for an 8th grade student who passed away last Friday. All I can say is that I guarantee you are loved more than you can ever imagine by family and friends around you. Your self-worth is not summed up by a career or money. Try to find joy in the process of learning, or in any old mundane job. Someday you may look back at your current struggles and see how they helped shape your future in a positive way.
It is so hard your story. But as other people here have just said you need help and mentor. So feel free to ask for it. I would suggest to you to be positive and optimist to yourself.
Hey there! I see this as a good and bad thing at the same time, since coding is easy (sometimes) but coding is also hard (oftentimes) or even VERY VERY HARD.
It is not only you who’s bashing their head against a wall. I’m currently coding something for a client and there is an encryption to be made and it’s been 2 weeks that I am trying to make it work. I took the decision this past weekend to leave it on the side since it was stopping me from having any progress in the whole project.
on the friends front I understand what you mean. It was so easy to make friends in college but when you get older it can turn harder and harder.
Our mind likes to play tricks on us and modifies our perception of the things that happen around us. So maybe, and only maybe, it’s your mind playing tricks on you. It may only be a perception (which is still valid) so you may need to look at things in a different way.
Can I suggest you seek help close to where you are?
I think again your brain tells you that the simplest exit is that one, but that is not contemplating the things you would miss (the jobs you may potentially get in the future?) (the products you may potentially help build with your skills?) (the things life has in plans for you?) or the feelings of the people around you (they will miss you and feel your absence FOR SURE, no matter what you think).
You mention you wanted to start C#. I can offer C (not sharp). May I suggest you look at any of the home projects I documented here and see if one interests you? If so, we can create a topic here in freecodecamp (if allowed) and build something together to see if you like doing stuff like that.
I’ve been there with depression, and I still go back there sometimes, so I’m going to be as blunt as possible: you need to get your life together before you can worry about career, and that means doing something about the depression.
Yes, getting a rewarding job is a great step toward a better outlook, but it’s not going to be the sole solution. Depression not only saps your energy, it dampens your interest in everything. Whenever you hit a bright spot, you might start a new project or two, and when your mood takes a downturn as it will do, you abandon them. Sound familiar? It won’t change when you get a job. Getting a job is part of feeling better, but it won’t automatically make you feel better.
You can get free counseling almost anywhere, and if medication is something you want to pursue, that’s available for pretty cheap too. My own meds cost around $35/month without any insurance, and my followup appointments are every 6 months for $150. It’s affordable, and from my view, it’s probably the first step you need to take.
Yeah it sounds like you’re kinda depressed which is totally normal sometimes but you should see a psychologist / councilor and just get that checked out.
Sorry you’re having a rough go of things. You are more than your tech career. Your value as a person has nothing to do with whether or not you know the latest JS framework, how much money you make, etc.
You’ve already proven you have an aptitude to learn since you completed your degree, you can do this. I really think you should go to the Unity class. If nothing else it’ll get you out of the house, meet some people like you, and learn something.
You’re not wasting your life, you’re just in a rut right now. Nothing lasts forever and you can get yourself to a good place. Do whatever it takes to feel better now, maybe even take a break from code if it’s causing you too much distress. I agree with other posters that you should seek help if it’s available to you. If you’re ever thinking of harming yourself again please talk to someone. Call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255
Message me if you ever want to talk and I’ll give you my phone number. Best of luck on your journey, you can do this.
I’ve been feeling the same way lately: have a job, but it’s not great…have a degree, but it’s just sitting in a box somewhere…anyone can learn to code, but am I really learning anything?
One thing I’ve learned is that this is a grind like everything else. Nobody out there gives a sh-t if you do it or not. But every day that you sit down and try to learn something is a good day. If it was AA or something like that, they’d give you a sobriety chip.
On that note, one thing that’s really helped me go to “meetings” is to make a log of each time you sit down to do some learning. Mine is just a Google doc with three columns: the date, how much time I spent, and what I did that day. Last week, I got really fancy and manually summed up the hours I put in each week. My wife was giving me crap for not doing enough, so I added up my time and found out I was averaging about 3-4 hours a week. I told myself I wanted to do 5 a week. Just now I thought about another idea: adding future goals, like maybe after a couple months I’ll push it up to 6 or 7 a week.
Another thing I would do is make a list of all the projects/courses/goals you want to accomplish. Again, make it simple. Little kid learning how to read and write for the first time simple. For example, I have a list that starts with “finish my Udemy courses”, “publish an update to my personal website”, and “learn GitHub”. Then break those down to smaller pieces. For example, to “publish an update to my personal website”, I have “find a good picture of myself”, “make tiles that flip upside-down”, and some others. I put a start and end date next to each item. That’s it.
Lastly, I just wanna say that your post helped me keep up the fight today. It’s been hard for me to keep working lately, and I’ve thought about quitting a lot recently. It’s good to know that someone else is going through the same thing, and it makes me wanna keep going. Hopefully some of this helps you, or at least makes you want to keep going. Just take it one day at a time, or even one hour at a time.
I have been similarly lost in my life as you describe. It is not a fun position to be in. It’s draining, painful, and can feel like there is no way out. However, there is. It’s never too late to start turning your life around and there is no reason to believe that you can’t do it, too.
A few years back, I was working a job that just barely covered my expenses. I lived in a crap apartment, was super stressed out all the time, and had my debit card rejected more than once at the supermarket. It was the opposite of great.
Today, I am doing very well being a self-employed online marketer. I write blog posts, build websites and help market them for a living. I hardly ever think about money and I can work from anywhere where there’s my laptop and an Internet connection.
Looking back on how I got here, here are a few things that I would do differently in the hopes that they help you:
Get a job that pays the bills. Any job at all. Make sure your rent, utilities, food, health insurance are all covered and you have some extra spending money to see a movie, treat yourself to a nice meal, or go on a date every now and then. Nothing will jack up your stress level more than not having your basic security measures covered. Wait tables, work in a video store (if those still exist) or do anything you can to get there.
Move. Get a gym membership if you can. Sign up to a sports team. Do anything to regularly exercise your body. Start off with taking a walk around the block if you need. You should do that anyway in order to get sunshine (good for your circadian rhythm). Exercise has so many benefits and is a keystone habit to most other things.
Talk to someone. Bottling everything up inside makes things so much harder. Find someone you trust who you can talk about what you are going through, who will listen without judging you. This can be a councilor, a family member, a close friend. I know I wouldn’t be where I am if I didn’t have my buddies to share my burdens with.
Invest in your social life. This is one stop further than the previous point. When you are stuck in your own head, you only see the worst parts about yourself. Surrounding yourself with other people can help you get a reflection of other sides of you. One of the stupidest things I did was completely isolate myself when I was going through the worst. Find a hobby and join a meetup group if necessary. Just get out among people.
My point is to cover your basics first. If you want to change your life, it’s much easier when you do it from solid ground to stand on. This is something a lot of people (including myself) underestimate.
From here, you can try out new things, see what you like, and where you would like to take your career. It will probably not be a straight line. You can’ know what you are passionate about or good at without trying it first. So, follow your gut, trust your intuition, and keep moving forward.
Hope this helps. Feel free to ping me if you have any specific questions.
Oh man, I’m so sorry. I’m not in the exact same situation as you but there is some similarities. I took a coding bootcamp not a degree, so I imagine you’re more frustrated than me.
I’m feeling pretty disheartened as well. I’ve sent out ~90 applications and only had a few phone screenings or coding challenges, but haven’t made the “right” impression yet. I’m in this weird cycle where I don’t know if I should be applying to jobs, trying to schmooze hiring managers, studying to learn more, or building projects to cement what I do know.
All I can say is keep trying! Also please talk to your physician about your mental health concerns. S/he might be able to give you a medication to help with your mood?
Besides all the great answers from everyone, I think knowing the fact that programming is hard for all of us is the key. Getting trapped in the mindset of a thing being easy for everyone else but me is what our brain does sometimes to us. Since we’re not observing people struggling or they just lie about it we think they have all figured it out perfectly 100%. But in reality we haven’t, no one has.
What I do think happens for people getting better and better in this journey is to let their minds and brain see their ability. Setting small goals, getting together within a community and many other things are all out there for our brain and unconsciousness to slowly get out of this trap and start to see and believe.
After that, we get sh-t done, we could happily set out plans and we just get better. After some time we don’t see struggles and failures anymore. We just see challenges, information and things we can improve if we want later on.
I wish you all the luck!
Like others said you can let me know in private in case you were interested to know my story of handling challenges or just wanted to say hi
Manager to HR: “Do we have a person internally, that can do the job and is available?”
If not: “Do we find a person in our environment, that can do the job and is available?”
If not: “Make a job ad”
So you start at step 3.
This is where the ad is public.
Public means 10 to 100 to 1.000 applicants.
So your chance to get the job is minimal.
My practical advice is to step in at step 2.
Therefore you have to let people know, that you can do the job.
I get not-yet-listed recruiter messages all the time (Google, Facebook etc.).
Because they see me doing stuff like being engaged in writing posts, twitter etc.
@miku86 : Yes, I feel this is true. I don’t quite know how to get the recruiter’s attention, and there are hundreds of people applying to the same jobs.
Are you a member of any specific groups on Google or Facebook? Where are you writing posts? Do you still code daily or are you just focus on these other tasks?
Get a job in tech. Any job. Junior sys admin, hekpdesk, apply for anything that is entry to mid level.
Once you have your first tech job, look for ways to automate anything and everything. Turn 5 clicks into 3.
Read books on Python - Automate The Boring Stuff With Python, etc. Implement those techniques at work.
Once you’re already in tech, your CV looks more attractive to employers hiring for a junior dev role.
I’ll also add that very, very few people become proficient at coding while working a non-tech job and self-studying. I’m talking maybe less than 1%. The problem is, we only hear from that very vocal minority, so it seems like EVERYONE has succeeded when the reality is quite the opposite.
So don’t feel like you’re a failure - you’ve actually got further than 98% of other people in your shoes. Coding is incredibly difficult.
There’s no overnight solution, but there is light. I was sleeping rough 10 years ago, things do get better… with a plan.