Lonely as a developer

Thanks! I hope I get accepted. :wink:

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iā€™m lucky i suppose. My girlfriend is also a programmer, though she has a lot more experience than i do! But itā€™s nice sharing that interest with someone in my life that knows what iā€™m saying, and can also give informed opinions and suggestions about what iā€™m working on.

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Yes, sir. I felt exactly like that. I posted an ad to Craigslisit(of all places!), asking if anyone wanted to learn/practice coding. One person wrote back, and we talked for a few days, coming up with a plan on how we could engage learning with eachother. But, unsurprisingly, they stopped writing back(but it took me a few days to reply to their message, I think they just lost interest).

Anyway, feel free to message to; that goes for anyone! Letā€™s become friends, haha :slight_smile:

Imho being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. Of course coding, and learning to code, are lone endeavors at some level, but like others mentioned it doesnā€™t have to be. I can only imagine 30 years ago, where we didnā€™t have the reach we do today. Now those guys (and gals) were much more susceptible to loneliness.

All in all its a human issue, more than a developer one, maybe someone has pointed that out. I like to stop when i hit a snag, or made something work, stretch and ask a friend (mostly just my dad) to go out and grab a bite. if not, then i may chat for little to unwind the wit, read a few articles on flipboard, or something quincy suggested; just to stretch the brain.

also someone mentioned their girlfriend is a programmer, and i secretly kind of wish i had that too. makes it much easier to explain what you did with your day instead of showing the 100 lines of code it took to output a few lines of json which still mean absolutely nothing to her. ā€œokay i just surfed the netā€

meetups are great, though iā€™m in the central valley ca so you have to really attend as many as possible to find the few that you share more in common with; in the metro areas i imagine its relatively easier. be prepared to find a few (meetups) that go way over your head, but most are way under, or about right (help you stretch). same goes for the people at the meetups. donā€™t be discouraged that you arenā€™t leading the convo of all the latest (and even old) technologies, and why you like their relative ā€œopinionated-nessā€.

most of the time theyā€™re just showing who has the biggestā€¦ keyboard, and theyā€™ll usually end with, ā€œbut i havenā€™t used it for productionā€. so take that as they like to dabble as much as you probably do, theyā€™ve just done it more. all that said, like anything else, play by the numbers. meet enough people and youā€™ll come across others so much like you that youā€™ll be in contact as much as you share interests (whether in coding or not).

iā€™m alone for 95% of my day but i ever rarely feel lonely. always know there is someone, somewhere, that you can reach out to, and that will respond. happy coding.

Now that you mention it @rudolphh, I actually had more interaction back int he 90s than I do todayā€¦because now the reach is so wide, where back then, it was very local. Back then, I connected with others through a BBS. Just by being on a BBS, everyone there was pretty much a computer geek, and also, since the phone number to call into was local, everyone on the BBS lived in my city.

We messaged about all sorts of goofy thingsā€¦but we all were into computers / tech / programming. I actually met my first bf that wayā€¦ with no such thing as private messaging, everyone could see our (truly innocent but obv very interested in each other) messages, and decided to throw a BBS picnic since that was the only way our parents would allow us to meet. We ended up having quite a few picnics after that where wed get together to talk about whatever projects we were working on.

Because it was so small and local, there was a really big connection between everyoneā€¦with the internet so huge now, theres a possibility of coming to know any of millions of peopleā€¦with so many options, youā€™re either distracted by what else is out there or lost in the sea of options. I feel more alone now with the internet today, than I did with the little BBS of yesterday. Side note, the BBS guy and I did end up dating for 2 years, almost got married, but still friends today 20 years laterā€¦if only weā€™d seen the future in online dating 20 years agoā€¦weā€™d be millionaires!!! :moneybag: :smiley:

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Oh snapple, awesome story @cndragn, thank you for sharing. If you were relatively hardcore and had the funds (my parents didnā€™t) then BBS was where it was at in the 80ā€™s, but more like 25 years ago that was more of where I was; on IRC. I agree though more of a community when networks were small, and everyone on felt like they had a secret that few shared. Now it seems like we have to jump through large hoops (facebook, meetup, etc.) just to get the community aspect returned in some semblance.

I used to run a BBS in the early 90s. Just people chatting and making friends. ^^ like what she said. Back then, No instagram boasting photos, or bragging/humble posts fishing for likes, or motivational shit inspiration quotes.

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For sure like a secret societyā€¦ I still remember, my brother in law came home from work one day with a phone number on a piece of torn off paper. Told me one of his geek friends at work gave it to him for me so I could meet some geek friends and then he was likeā€¦dont do anything wierd :laughing: . And thats kinda how it worked back then

So true though, everyone was so down to earth, fun and chilā€¦ none of the trolling or nastiness or just, crazy weirdness.

BTW @rudolphh you totally tacked a few years on my ageā€¦I said 20 years ago but indeed, this was all in the early 90s. I keep forgetting Im not 30-something anymore :cry: lol

I was literally going to post the same thing on my FCC facebook group. None of my friends or family members are interested in coding so I canā€™t talk to any of them about it because they donā€™t understand any of it or just donā€™t care. Sometimes I get so busy with work and life that I donā€™t get much time to study and then I REALLY start to lose motivation. Iā€™ve been thinking about a coding bootcamp or something similar to help me get at least an entry level job, but they are so expensive and most of them require you to go full time. Our meetups are usually on a day or time that I cannot attend because my work schedule is so crazy. At times I think ā€œwhatā€™s the pointā€, but every time I think about being a developer one day, I get excited, which is why I havenā€™t given up yet.

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Thatā€™s how you know itā€™s the career for you! The idea of building websites for a living and potentially running my own studio keeps me going as well.

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I finished my tribute page yesterday and showed it to my partner. Itā€™s not nearly as pretty as the company webpage I made for him with Weebly a couple of years ago (for anyone whoā€™s not familiar with it, Weebly is one of those drag and drop website makers). He probably wonders what Iā€™m really doing with my time. :stuck_out_tongue:

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@see-line a couple weeks ago, a friend said she was having a problem with her wix site and first said, hey! not sure if you know how wix worksā€¦ oh wait, you do web design, of course you know how wix works!" to which I saidā€¦I have no idea how wix works other than its a drag n drop site builder.

She was completely and totally confused how I could make websites and not know how to use wix. Isnā€™t that how you make websites!!! LOL I wanted to die and throw up and laugh all at the same time. :laughing: Id love to date someone in tech also, that would be so cool actually. All my friends are pretty much convinced that what I do, and trying to do, is dying as a career choice because theres an app or a program to do everything now. And I get all exasperatedā€¦yeah, but who do you think built those apps and websites and programs you use!!! No comprehension. Oye!

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I am feeling totally comfortable in my ā€œisolationā€

:slight_smile:

Iā€™m a work-at-home, solo-web-developer/entrepreneur, run-my-own biz ā€” for the last 17 yrs now.

And sometimes, I wonder what it would be like going to the office again. Itā€™s been a long time since I did that. So I would play this office background noiseā€¦

I imagine Iā€™m assigned a cubicle, and open floor plan layout and all that. And then OMG, I cantā€™ stand listening to the noise after a few minutes.

Some days, I want it as quiet as a monastery, and some days I have very loud 80s music filling up every cubic inch of my room. I canā€™t do that if Iā€™m working with other people in the same room. ā€“ especially, if Iā€™m still wearing my Batman pajamas.

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On the other end of the spectrum, before a problem is solved, I have been known to flick off the monitor. Probably just as well to not have anyone else around then too.

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Pretty much alone clacking away with rustling noises outside but itā€™s less distracting than working in public areas. Also, the expletives I make when I canā€™t find a bug warrants me being in a solitary environment.

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I hear you, but Iā€™ve seen that anytime we take on endeavors to better ourselves there are the lonely times that we must get past to reach the next level where more support can be found. You arenā€™t alone out here on this journey!

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Its worse @owel ā€¦much worse. I was work at home / freelance / sales rep back and forth all over anything but work in an office for around 15 yearsā€¦ last year I caved and got a regular job. In fairness, the people were nice, it was nice enough thereā€¦butā€¦Im just not cut out for that vibe.

you have the person who likes to cook bringing in food from home for everyone to tryā€¦try itā€¦try itā€¦TRY IT its my grandmoters recipie and I got up at 3am to cook it for you allā€¦so trrrry it!!! I have issuesā€¦I cant stand eating food prepared in a home kitchen by someone I barely know that people have been breathing all over all day, so no I dont wanna try it! -tears!!!- (caved into peer pressureā€¦did the wholeā€¦wow this really is good ziti!! I dont even like ziti)

the small talk, all day, every day. with everyone. Not a fan if discussing things like the weather.

I could go on LOL but the one biggest surprise to me about the whole thing wasā€¦fluorescent lighting. Doesnt seem like such a big deal til you spend 9-10+ hours of nothing but that in a dayā€¦it was making me crawl the walls and Id have to go outside to just sit there in some actual daylight and hope no one comes along to talk about the weather and ask me if Ive had any of the delicious ziti in the break roomā€¦

All in good funā€¦Im glad I did itā€¦it wasnt all bad, butā€¦def not my vibe and now I know exactly what I dont want!!

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Yes. I feel the same way sometimes. Iā€™ve actually been told by family that they donā€™t care. Itā€™s very lonely sometimes. But I have made about 3 developer friends so far. Iā€™m hoping to make more.

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Definitely use the Meetup app. You can pull up Meetups by coding language and developers are a friendly bunch. Food will be there 9 times out of 10. Sometimes even beer and wine. Developers love to talk about coding and are always open to newbies. There maybe a few exceptions to that, but I havenā€™t met any yet. Even if you donā€™t understand everything they say, your mind will retain some of it and later it will make sense.

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