This article will provide you a deeper understanding of what empathy is and how to better integrate it into software development.

What is a soft skill?

Soft skills are non-technical abilities such as communication, logical thinking, problem solving, teamwork, and empathy. These emotional intelligence skills are valuable as a Software Engineer.

It is very hard to learn and unlearn skills such as these. You cannot necessarily read a book or watch a tutorial and immediately have improved communication skills. Some of these skills are innate. They are built over the years and take time and practice to develop.

Soft skills can play an important role within the hiring process. The good news is that you can work to further develop these skills.

What is empathy and why is it so important?

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” – Alfred Adler

Empathy is a deeply human emotion. In the sci-fi novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? empathy is the main detectable trait between androids and humans.

Empathy lies at the heart of emotional intelligence. It has the ability facilitate our awareness of our personal emotions, handling interpersonal relationships and creating stronger bonds (Source).

Empathy vs. Sympathy

It is vital to distinguish between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy can arise in the form of feeling bad for someone else's situation – “Sorry for your loss.” Empathy is sincerely visualizing yourself in the shoes of the person who has lost something.

"Empathy is a choice and it's a vulnerable choice. Because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling." – Dr. Brené Brown

One of my first gigs out of university was in a Customer Service role for a health insurance provider. We were required to go through a training program before speaking with members over the phone.

I distinctly remember the emphasis they put on understanding empathy and how it is not the same as sympathy. They pulled up YouTube and put on an animated short with audio from a talk by Brené Brown.

This video has stuck with me and helps me remember the importance of empathy.

In the video, Dr. Brown mentions the four qualities of empathy outlined by nursing scholar Teresa Wiseman:

1. Perspective taking, the ability to see the world as others do
2. Staying out of judgement in these perspectives
3. Recognizing the emotions in others and relating
4. Communicating with that emotional understanding

How to apply empathy as a Software Engineer

Empathy for Users

Having empathy for users can take many forms. Empathy can come in to play when thinking about what your users' needs and wants are. Jumping into their perspective can give you an entirely new outlook.

Accessibility requirements are essential and require a good amount of empathy in a similar fashion. Any type of user should be able to use your application.

Envision yourself navigating and operating a website only able to use limited keys such as tab, spacebar, and enter. Users with visual impairments that are unable to use the keyboard and mouse can use screen readers to audibly navigate through web pages. Test out your site with a screen reader to shine a new light on this perspective.

The best way to ensure that your application is accessibility-friendly is to be compliant with the standards set by Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) along with Section 508. Study the guidelines, become familiar with the requirements, and implement them into your code.

Now imagine seeing the world as a color deficiency individual. You may be unable to decipher an error messages from a success message if you are red/green color deficient. This falls under Level AA 3.3.3 - Error Suggestions, and there are a wide array of situations to consider under this criterion alone.

To rate the accessibility (also known as a11y) levels of your website or app, run it through an audit by Lighthouse. The audit utilizes the a11y guidelines for testing and displays a rating out of 100. It provides direct feedback regarding what you can change to improve your score. Additionally, there are scores for "Best Practices", "SEO", and "Performance".

UX/UI Designers are no strangers to using an empathetic skill set. UX Researcher is a role almost entirely based on this idea. Designers remind themselves who they are creating for.

Creating Personas is a great way to put yourself in the place of users. Personas are boiled down versions of users, including their behaviors, needs, and learned experiences. Personas are created by collecting data from users and summing up correlated traits.

According to Interaction Design Foundation,

"Collecting insights about the social and cultural backgrounds of the users, their psychological traits, their feelings of frustration, and their goals will help you develop a broad knowledge of the users."

This all may seem front end-oriented, but empathy can be applicable for back end engineers as well. Envision how you’d like your data to be stored, how secure you would like that information to be. What information would you like saved to save yourself precious time in the future (or what would cost you lots of time, in case of a security breach)?

It all comes back to imagining yourself in the place of others. Actors must be exceptional at empathizing! What better way to serve your users than to imagine yourself as them.

Empathy for Teammates

Teamwork and empathy go hand in hand. Strong relationships can be built upon a foundation of listening and understanding, without passing judgement.

Having an understanding of what your teammates are feeling can facilitate supporting each other and grow together as a team. Allow teammates to vent to you with the understanding that you are not necessarily here to fix the situation but that you can listen (without judgement).

Use emotional empathy to absorb and mirror the feelings others are going through. Imagine a teammate being strongly reprimanded for a mistake they made. What emotions would you be feeling if that were you instead?

Having this emotional comprehension will allow you to better communicate with them. It may be the very support they need at that time. Emotional empathy can move you to lend a helping hand.

Empathy can become your superpower when dealing with difficult interpersonal situations with coworkers. Try to observe different perspectives and why someone may be acting out of anger, fear, or sadness.

Perspective taking (using cognitive empathy) is a wonderful method to navigate contentious situations in the workplace.

Imagine your coworker has been working extremely hard the past few years to get a promotion, only to find out after their review that they received neither a raise nor promotion. You could use cognitive empathy to take the perspective of your coworker to recognize how disappointing that may feel if it were you.

Empathy is speaking to others how you'd like to be spoken to. It requires mindfulness. Think of empathy as a tool the next time you encounter a difficult situation at work, but also in your day-to-day conversations.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response" – Viktor E. Frankl

Empathy for Future Engineers

There are many ways we can display compassion toward future engineers when they have to interact with code we’ve written.

Many engineers have found themselves in legacy projects, entering a brand-new codebase, or even looking back at an old personal project and they feel a sense of logical bewilderment. More so if there was nothing left behind to explain some of the complexities and logical decisions that were made.

If you could put yourself in the shoes of that future engineer looking at your code, what would you want to see left behind?

The best way to implement this is to write readable code. You can do this by limiting abstractions, avoiding complex logic, and using clear naming conventions.

Do your best to break things down and organize your files. There are plenty of great tips to help you write cleaner code in Clean Code: A Handbook of Agile Software Craftsmanship by Robert C. Martin.

Documentation is also a kindness to future readers. Whether that is crafting an informative README file or writing how-to's. Leaving useful comments in your code and detailed commit messages can also be helpful. Most of us can’t recall changes we committed months ago ourselves.

Leaving behind a trail of textual breadcrumbs can make the life of the next person who stumbles across it that much easier – and that person might even be you!

Empathy for Clients

Empathy can help you connect with your clients and assist in delivering the best product to them. Communication comes largely into play here, which goes beyond words involving your tone, body language, and delivery.

You can use empathy to fully visualize the brand and comprehend what the client themselves may be facing on their end. It can be a useful tool to convince others of your point of view if you can first understand theirs.

Utilize cognitive and emotional empathy when dealing with difficult situations with clients. Picture why they might be upset to have their product delayed, frustrated users or monetary loss.

Have curiosity when working with clients. Go above and beyond to learn more about the client. If you come from a place of curiosity, it will iterate your interest and a deeper understanding of the product.

Use your best listening skills when speaking with the client. Don't miss the details and your client will feel heard, appreciated and more satisfaction with the product.

Empathy for Leadership

Some of the finest leaders are the ones who remember what it was like to work their way up from the bottom or who can foresee themselves in other positions. Empathetic leaders establish strong connections with the individuals under their direction.

The best managers I have had in the past have displayed a concern for what I was feeling and what I may need.

Empathy means understanding impostor syndrome and checking in on the mental wellness of your employees. It's much easier to open up to someone who you feel 'gets it'. When you feel understood and respected, you’re more inclined to work hard and give back a mutual level of respect.

Leaders should have a strong level of emotional intelligence. Who wouldn't want a manager that seems approachable, self-aware, nonjudgemental, and understanding?

Emotional intelligence can be developed with conscious efforts. Being able to describe your own emotions will give you the ability to better resonate with what others are feeling.

Instead of saying "I'm feeling anxiety", go deeper. Anxiety is not quite an emotion, so what does it actually feel like? The heart of the emotion may really feel like sadness, shame, guilt, frustration, or embarrassment. Practice self awareness and labeling the emotions you are feeling. This is not isolated to those in leadership, it goes for everyone.

Cultivating empathy can give you the power to help motivate those around you.

"Empathy does not require that we have been through the same thing as another person, simply that we meet them where they are now." – Andy Puddicombe, former Buddhist monk and Headspace co-founder

Summary

One of the best skills you can develop as an engineer is empathy. You can work on this skill by trying to establish an unbiased point of view in all communications.

Practice shifting your perspectives and observe the changes in your interactions. Improving this soft skill will be a catalyst for positive change at and outside of work.

I hope this article has provided insights on situations where you can start integrating more empathy into your day-to-day routines.

Thank you for reading!

I am a writer passionate about programming, user interface engineering and design. Find me on Twitter and LinkedIn.

_Cover Photo by Josh Calabrese on Unsplash_

The term ‘soft skills’ has been used quite a lot in recent years. And while it is often considered an old-fashioned term, I can't overstate the importance of social and emotional intelligence for those who work in software development.

As much as code quality, technical skills, and other ‘hard’ aspects of engineering matter, communication and collaboration are what really make a sound engineer great at what they do.

I will not talk about soft skills from a theoretical point of view here. Instead, I aim to give you practical tips on developing your own soft skills to become a better professional.

What Are Soft Skills?

Soft skills are about how we interact with others and our environment – and they're no less critical than other skills. They’re about how you communicate, how you resolve conflicts, and how you manage your emotions.

And they’re not only crucial for your personal life – they can also make or break your career as a software engineer.

You might be thinking: “I’m an introvert — I don’t have good social skills”. But it is not that simple! Everyone has some degree of introversion and extroversion. It’s all about finding balance.

While some people have excellent communication skills, they can still do better in certain areas of their professional life.

And vice versa — even if you consider yourself shy and socially awkward, there’s plenty of room for improvement in your interactions with others. Also, it’s never too late to start working on your soft skills — so don’t give up before you get started!

What You Need to Know About Soft Skills

We need to realize here that soft skills are just like any other skill out there. You have to practice them regularly if you want them to improve, and it might take some time before they become second nature.

Remember that everyone can benefit from working on their soft skills. Even if they seem perfect on the outside, chances are there’s room for improvement.

Don’t be afraid to admit this! Nobody knows everything in life, so why should someone fault us for something we could still improve ourselves?

What Do Soft Skills Mean for Your Career?

Soft skills are not just nice-to-have. They are essential for those who want to work in software development.

The information age we live in has made the world smaller and more interconnected than ever before, which means that it’s easier than ever to connect with clients, customers, team members, and other stakeholders.

At the same time, it’s a very competitive industry with lots of opportunities  —  meaning that you have to make an impact to stand out from the crowd.

In my opinion, the most significant advantage that soft skills provide is that they help you build networks within organizations and communities. Having good soft skills means being approachable, likable, reliable, and trustworthy –  basically someone other people enjoy working with and want to know more about. This opens doors for new opportunities.

I often see engineers who are confident with their technical skills but lack communication abilities and struggle to showcase their value to the company they work for.

If you think about it from a management perspective ,  why would anyone hire someone who lacks confidence when there are many great candidates out there who are confident enough to prove themselves?

Confidence is such an essential factor in making hiring decisions! There’s nothing wrong with being humble, though. Just remember that the self-confidence that comes from knowing what you’re doing helps significantly in putting forward a strong case whenever you need something from management or colleagues.

This applies to more than just job security. Remember that other people tend to notice when you bring value into conversations by sharing relevant perspectives or ideas instead of just agreeing with everything everyone says.

This shows them that you’re worth spending time with because of what you’re bringing to the conversation rather than merely because of who you are (or who they think/assume/hope you are).

You’ll find yourself better positioned for promotions, exciting projects at work (with increased responsibility!), and more significant influence over critical team decisions. The list goes on!

Building good relationships within teams and companies (and community-wide) makes going through bad times easier, since there will always be people around who care enough about your situation and want to help.

It might be hard at first (especially if you’ve been labeled as ‘not sociable’), but trust me – once this starts happening more often, things will improve dramatically!

Soft skills that will help you out

Communication Skills 

How well can you communicate your ideas, opinions, and problems? It doesn’t matter if you’re presenting at a conference or talking about your project with a client — communication is key, and it comes down to how well you communicate your point.

Collaboration Skills 

Can you work in a team? How well do you communicate with your peers and colleagues? Are you able to delegate tasks and responsibilities, or are you always trying to do everything yourself?

Conflict Resolution Skills 

Conflict happens in all organizations, whether it's between co-workers or between customers and the organization. It’s all about how we deal with these conflicts. We need to learn how to resolve them to make everyone happy without being too bossy or passive.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

 Do you know when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed by certain situations? Do you ever lose your temper? Do you get frustrated when things don’t go as planned? Being able to recognize and manage your emotions is essential for your success as an engineer.

Managing Your Time and Priorities

How good are your time management skills? Are you overworked continuously yet never get anything done because of it? This is not only bad for productivity but also for your mental health.

How to improve your soft skills

The first thing to remember is that soft skills are not innate qualities. We all can learn how to communicate better, collaborate, and work with others more effectively. It’s just a matter of practice.

The best thing about soft skills is that you can improve them at any time — it’s never too late to start! Here are some practical tips for developing the best possible social skills:

Be an active listener

This one is probably the most essential communication skill. Listening may seem simple, but it’s often not easy to do well, as many people know.

When somebody talks to you, don’t be in a hurry to reply right away — take your time and pay attention to what they say! This includes both verbal and non-verbal communication — so watch facial expressions as well as body language.

Respond to feedback

Feedback is vital for every professional. To improve, you need to know what you’re doing well and where you can improve. If somebody gives you feedback, accept it with an open mind and try not to get defensive.

It happens that people give negative feedback in a non-constructive way, but if you take the time to talk about it, usually they’ll be willing to elaborate on their point of view. Remember that even though someone is trying to help you become better — they don’t have a crystal ball and might be wrong or mistaken at times.

Be confident when talking with people

Communication is useless if it comes from a place of uncertainty or doubt. If you think something could sound awkward or stupid, then it very likely will sound awkward or stupid.

So try out sentences before you say them out loud — in front of a mirror can be useful here because it demonstrates how you look when saying things like “Um… yeah… I mean… no” instead of “Sure thing!”

Remember that confidence does not have anything to do with being arrogant. Instead, it means feeling comfortable enough in your skin to share your ideas confidently and openly with others. That’s much better than being afraid of looking silly (which only makes people feel bad about themselves).

Be curious about other people and their ideas

Never be afraid to ask questions. This creates opportunities for others to learn from you, too! And even if they don’t have any interesting answers for you right away, keep asking questions until you find something helpful or interesting for yourself.

If there’s some kind of disagreement between two parties during a conversation, try approaching the problem from each side separately. It will help you understand what each person means by their statements more precisely, facilitating collaboration later on (you’ll know what kinds of solutions would satisfy each party).

And last but not least: always be open-minded. Being too set on your own opinions can lead you into unnecessary conflicts with other people.

Final Thoughts

Another important thing I’d like to mention here is the fact that social skills take time to develop. Just like anything else in life, it will take months, maybe even years, until they become second nature (if they ever do). So don’t expect yourself and others around you to change immediately after reading this article.

Instead, focus on improving one area at a time while consciously working towards developing better social skills overall. With enough practice over time, it will eventually become second nature, and people will start noticing the changes in how you interact with those around you.

One of my favorite quotes is from Stephen Hawking: “Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet”. The same philosophy applies here — look up instead of down! Building relationships takes time but pays off handsomely in the long run. You’ll feel happier and more fulfilled at work.