by Roger Collier
How my social network for sharing photos of knees will save the world
There are two things every person has in common: knees. Your friends have knees. Your coworkers have knees. So does your Aunt Sally. And your Uncle Aloysius.
You. Me. Left knee. Right knee.
Yet, despite this common bond, people continue to argue, fight and hurt one another. There is conflict everywhere, both online and in the real world. But what if it were possible, after centuries of squabbling, to bring peace and harmony to all mankind through our shared identity. Well, that day has finally come.
Introducing Deez Knees, the first and only social network for sharing photos of knees — only knees.
I created Deez Knees to unify humanity. Some of us are taller than others. Some of us have dark hair and others have light hair. But when it comes to knees, there is little variety. A knee has only two parts: an interior component (the knee bone) and an exterior component (the knee skin). This is true for my knees, your knees, his knees and her knees. By sharing pictures of knees, we remind ourselves that deep down, beneath the knee skin, we are all basically the same.
Deez Knees promotes unity
You know what else Deez Knees promotes? Diversity. “Hey, hold on a second mister,” you might be thinking. “You just said all knees are the same, so how can your amazing new creation promote both unity and diversity?”
That, my friend, is the power of Deez Knees.
Scalable, configurable, technologicable
The core technology behind Deez Knees is a sophisticated knee-recognition algorithm. You can try to post a photo of something else, but it won’t work. Upload a picture of your elbow? No dice. Share a pic of your butt? Try Instagram.
Deez Knees is fully integrateable across all digital platforms — vertical, horizontal and diagonal. The user interface is intuitive, responsive and gratuitive. Your personal information will remain secure. We use triple-bypass, hexagonalical encryption with cross-key hashtags. All data on Deez Knees are stored not only in the cloud, but also in the mist and the yawn.
Do we use blockchain? Yes, indeed — 27 blockchains, to be precise. Users can also select the cryptocurrency of their choice: Bitcoin, CyberDime or WebDough. Our network is lightening fast. Images load quickly thanks to our middle-out compression algorithm, which is based on science and math. Deez Knees is also chocked full of nanotechnology and artificial intelligence.
Digital, Advanced Tech, The Future — Deez Knees
Making the world a better place
Most tech entrepreneurs care only about money and fame. They want to be the next high-profile billionaire, grace the covers of magazines, hobnob with celebrities. Not me. I created Deez Knees for you. For you and your knees.
Will there be advertising on Deez Knees? That goes without saying. Will I give your personal information to marketing companies? Yes, of course, but not for free. Will I sell Deez Knees to Facebook the first chance I get? You betcha.
But don’t let these minor business details distract you. Deez Knees was created for a higher purpose. There is too much bad in the world. Let’s inject a little bit of good. Actually, make that a whole lot of good.
I don’t know about you, but I think this world of ours is worth saving. Enough with the crime and the wars. Enough with the nasty YouTube comments and the silly Twitter beefs. Why so hostile? Friend, you have only one life. One life and two knees. Use them well.
That’s where Deez Knees comes in. Instead of clapping back at that internet troll, share a photo of your knees. You’ll both soon realize you aren’t so different after all. Instead of bashing Republicans, or Democrats or Saskatchewanians, scroll through your Deez Knees feed and reflect on how we are all diverse yet the same, different yet not so different, unequal in some ways yet — really, when you think about it, really think about it— always equal in all the ways that count.
Deez Knees turns nasty into nicety
It’s time, my friend. Time to make this world a better place. Time to bring light into darkness. Time to turn conflict into proflict. All we need is you, me and Deez Knees. We can do it. Two knees at a time.